The Strangest Mission Ever
by Gremblin
Summary: response to BiteMeTechie's 'Slave master Teyla' challenge. Short, I know, but read it anyways. In which the team goes to a world where women are gods and men aren't.


How they got into these situations was beyond any of them.

The day had started simply. A new mission, a new planet, nothing strange about that. Possible trading partners, Sheppard's team going out to try and talk these people into trading their food for medical supplies. They had gone through the gate, and said the age-old saying of 'take me to your leader'. Of course, it was said with different words and just a little more finesse, but that was the gist of what was said. The four of them, Ronan, John, Rodney, and Teyla, weren't due back for another day or so, and allowed their guides to give them rooms and clothes, so that they fit in more with the locals. It was explained to them that their leaders would be much more receptive to their requests if they tried to blend in. Not one of the Atlantis team even seemed to realize that they hadn't seen one person besides the two women that had greeted them at the gate during their trip to the palace.

"I'm not walking around like this." Rodney said vehemently. His arms crossed over his bare chest, the only thing covering him was an ornate-looking Egyptian style skirt. It had beads and feathers sewn into the material, and was black. Nothing covered his feet, but apparently someone had come into his room and brought some form of makeup. Black triangles were drawn underneath his eyes, the points facing down to the ground. All his hair stuck up on end, making it look like he had much more than he actually did. Black designs were woven down his arms and across his chest and back, flowing down his legs and ending on the tops of his feet. Ronan and John were standing behind him, both dressed similarly except without the makeup and in dark red instead of black. They were both trying desperately not to laugh at their friend, as was Teyla.

Teyla was dressed in a low-cut sleeveless dress that ended just short of her feet. It was a shade of light blue and was form fitting up until her waist, when it flared out and was loose, a slit running up the left side a ways. Someone had indeed come into her room upon her putting it on, and done her hair up in a loose ponytail and put a line of makeup the same shade of blue as her dress down her nose and tracing each of her cheekbones.

"Aw, c'mon McKay. It's not that bad." John said teasingly. Rodney threw the colonel a look.

"You might not think so in your blissful state of stupidity, but I know what these lines mean, what the colours mean. You're not going to like it anymore than I do!" Rodney told his team angrily. They looked interested, so he continued.

"Okay. The people of this planet revere their women. Women on this planet are like gods, and men are like... dogs. Pets, slaves, 'boy toys'. No standing whatsoever other than who their mistress is. Hence the women being dressed so nicely and the men so little." Rodney motioned to how Teyla was dressed compared to the three male members of the team. "Each colour means something. The blue that Teyla's wearing, they told me, means that she isn't from the city, that she's visiting. The lines on her face means she's single, but not looking."

"What do the the colours we're wearing mean?" Ronan asked in his deep voice.

"Dark red, which is what you and John are wearing, means that you're pretty much just guards. Nothing too important." Rodney said, tensing up a little when he stopped.

"And what does black mean?" Teyla asked carefully. Rodney closed his eyes, obviously not liking what his clothing colour meant.

"I'd really rather not say." Rodney said quickly.

"But we'd like to know." John said, sounding amused.

"You might but trust me, Teyla, you don't." Rodney turned his attention from arguing with John to pleading with Teyla.

"I assure you, Dr. McKay, I do." Teyla told him. Rodney wore a pained look at Johns triumphant.

"Black means that he's the one you have 'relations' with, miss, the markings signify his standing amongst your slaves, and that he is one you are not willing to sell for any price." a man wearing a green skirt said as he passed by. He was carrying a tray of drinks and wore an expression that said he had heard a good portion of the conversation.

"Relations?"Teyla had an idea of what that meant, but wasn't sure she wanted to believe it. The look on Rodney's face said that what she thought was true.

"Why not me or Ronan? Strong offspring and all that." John asked no one in particular.

"Because, Sheppard, unlike most hillbilly nations these people actually enjoy having smart people born than strong people. They prefer people that can talk their way out of dangerous situations rather than idiot brutes." Rodney said with a hint of anger in his voice. Whether it was towards the situation or John was anybodys guess. He quickly turned to Ronan, who wasn't looking too pleased with what Rodney had said.

"No offense intended to present company." Rodney added at the end quickly.

"Ma'am? I'm to escort you to my mistress's chambers." A man in a dark red skirt said from behind them. "I was told to give you these, as you wouldn't have any." he held out three sets of collars, with thick chains attached. Rodney didn't look surprised or pleased with their presentation, but John, Ronan, and Teyla looked less than pleased with them.

"Is it truly needed for them all to wear one?" Teyla asked.

"Your Jiyku1 need not wear them, they are trained from birth to obey their mistress and should not disobey you. Your Trefga2, however, is required to wear one. They often are quite eager to escape their mistress's." Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Wonder why?" he said sarcastically. Teyla grudgingly took a collar and it's attached chain, walking up to Rodney as she opened it. She fitted it around his neck and grabbed the chain and looked at the man in the green skirt. He shook his head.

"You are not to dirty your hands with the chain, miss. One of your Jiyku will hold it. He will be much more able of keeping your Trefga from escaping." he said. Teyla moved to give John the chain, not really caring who held it only wanting to get the talks out of the way so she could get out of the dress, but Rodney moved to block her.

"Oh no, I'm not putting my ability to breathe in either of their hands." He said stubbornly. His arms were once again crossed over his chest.

"You must, Dr. McKay. It is their way and we must be accepting towards their customs." Teyla said diplomatically. But Rodney wouldn't be moved.

"I'm not letting you give either of them hold it." Rodney said stubbornly. None of them saw it coming. Rodney was sent flying forward onto the floor beside Teyla by a woman in a golden dress, and he instantly held his nose. John jumped to his friend's side and pried Rodney's hands away from his face, to see a thin trickle of blood coming down the scientist's face.

"Disobedience towards your mistress may be tolerated under another roof, but under mine it is not." The woman said sternly. "I care not if you are the leader of your lady's Trefga's, you shall be punished for not doing as she says." a man wearing a green skirt came forward carrying a short thin metal stick. Rodney's eyes widened as he recognized it for what it was and tried to back away from the woman. Two red-skirted men came forward and pushed John away from Rodney and held him still, taking the chain from Teyla and adding another on the side opposite. Teyla, Ronan, and John were all to confused to do anything. None had ever seen the stick before.

"No no no no no no! I'll be good, I swear, please, don't!" Rodney pleaded quickly. The woman passed the thin stick to yet another red-skirted man, they seemed to be coming out of nowhere. The man looked apologetic towards Rodney as he stuck the longest of the three points at the end of the stick into Rodney's stomach. Rodney screamed in pain, his body seemed to seize up because of the amount of pain entrapping him. Ronan came forward quickly and grabbed the stick, which was obviously a torture weapon, away from the man and stood between him and Rodney. John grabbed the chains out of the other two's hands and tossed them beside where Rodney now lay in obvious pain, tears running down his face as he groaned and tried to get his breathing even again. John put himself between Rodney and the two guards that had been holding the man in place.

"Get your Jiyku under control, or be gone. I will not talk trade with someone that does not hold command over her males!" The gold-dressed woman demanded. Teyla turned and glared at the woman.

"They do as I say. I do not have command through fear, I hold command through trust. My men trust that in return for their good deeds I will not hurt them." Teyla said. "I will ask that you do not harm them again or they will harm you and the people of Atlantis will not be willing to trade." she continued.

"We need not another trading partner, Yufin3 has many!" The woman replied angrily. "Begone from my home immediately!" She motioned towards the end of the hallway, where a door was plainly visible.

"Give us back our stuff and we will." John said.

"We'll be taking this as well." Ronan added, motioning to the torture stick still in his hand.

"Pikkio4! Their things!" The woman said loudly. Immediately the man that had explained the significance of Rodney's black skirt and makeup came back carrying their things, neatly folded and ready to be taken. He looked apologetically towards Rodney as he passed Ronan their things, at which point John helped Rodney up and the three of them followed Teyla out the door. They walked down the street and towards the Stargate, which was in the middle of the town. They dialed Atlantis, sent through their IDC and walked through the event horizon-

-and into the gateroom. At which point Elizabeth's gaze was torn from their strange dress to Rodney's condition.

"Don't ask." was all Rodney said as he stiffly let John lead him out the door and towards the infirmary.

**Author's Note:** here's a pronunciation guide to the words used by the natives in the story, in case you were curious.

1. Jiyku – Gee-ya-koo

2. Trefga – Treff-gaa

3. Yufin – You-feen

4. Pikkio – Pick-key-oh


End file.
